I recently had the opportunity to create some awards for a wonderful organization that supports the arts in my community. I rarely create "for" someone else. I usually just begin and let the clay universe take it from there. My motto is to "let go and let clay". The more I release control of the outcome, the more the piece shows up. But creating for someone else is a very different mind set. It takes getting into their space a bit - figuring out who they are, where their "essence" shows up. I spent many hours contemplating before my hands even touched the clay. I simply asked the universe to show me the way........and it responded.
After the pieces were finished, dried and fired the time came for me to hand them over. I did it with a "business as usual" attitude but soon fell into a well of sadness. I couldn't for the life of me figure out where the blues were coming from - the pieces turned out well, they were handed over in one piece and I had completed the goal I set out to achieve. And yet......there it was, staring me in the face; a deep sense of sadness and loss.
I pulled up my "big girl panties" and went off to yoga. One of the best remedies for me when I am faced with depression is exercise. So, there I was in the middle of a particularly challenging class with my favorite instructor, Jess, when it dawned on me. As I quieted my mind of all of the external noise and put my focus on my mat and my physical being, it freed up my space and my spirit to wander. I realized that the sadness and loss I was feeling was for handing over my "soul" babies. Those pieces which I had put such thought, time and love into, were gone in an instant and off to their forever homes. After a day or so, I was able to acknowledge my emotions, cry for their leaving and be liberated from my dark cloud.
I created these pieces, not for myself but for others that had taken their passion and purpose and turned it into an art form. They were never mine.........they were meant for these special people and I was only a conduit to let them take shape. I can only hope that the individuals who received them felt the love..........