If you have read any of my posts since I have been staying at Ghost Ranch these past two and a half weeks, you will quickly realize that my trip was not just about studying a new way to create within my medium of clay. I had many things back logged in the "I'll think about that later" file. The act of daily living can take up a lot of time. Moments of slowing down, breathing and introspection can easily be cast aside when there is internal resistance. I am a self admitted "Do-aholic". Having a big giant to do list is a perfect excuse to avoid the big questions. However, while being away from my routine, I have been made more vulnerable to my need for clarity.
Today, I realized that I have been giving myself away to other peoples problems, causes and emotions. My intention has always been to be of service to others. Believe me, I find great joy in this; however, in doing too much of this, I have sacrificed my creative abilities and have struggled with my own evolution as a person and as an artist. This act of self disregard is not a good move if you want your Muse to stick around.
It is my sole responsibility how much of me I give away - no one else has to carry the burden of this little nugget. Now - here's the other, more wonderful part.......I get to choose who, what, when, how much and for how long. You see, we are all in the drivers seat when it comes to our gifts. It's ok to keep some for ourselves - it truly is. When we keep a little of our own goodness, just for us, it actually creates more goodness to go around!
I also realized that in working through my grief of yesterdays pieces lost to the fire, I failed to honor and give love to those that did. Below is a photo of one of my favorites. The mica, the heat and the smoke made her shine like the night sky :)