It has been a little less than 90 days since my husband and I, along with our 3 dogs and 3 large UHaul's worth of stuff landed in the mountains of North Carolina. I return to Florida once a month for four days to maintain a long standing massage practice and am asked by almost everyone if I love my new home. Well.......here are the answers I have come up with so far.......1. Beginnings are full of magic, hope and lots of heavy lifting. How did I ever think that we didn't have too much stuff??? The velocity of wanting something to work helps for it to work - it just takes more time than I idealized. 2. Endings are painful, emotional, cleansing, cathartic and involve more heavy lifting. Damn! Some of the people I thought would be with me forever have just upped and disappeared........some I never thought would give me a second thought have been the support I didn't even know I needed. And the stuff.........cleaning out is a beautiful thing but requires fortitude and lots of upper body strength :) 3. The mountains are my muse and I am their bitch. No two ways about it - they are in my DNA and they own my heart. I, in turn, work diligently to honor them in my life and in my art. 4. I miss my tribe, my community and my girlfriends. Sometimes, there is no substitute for spending a few hours with a girlfriend that just "gets you". They don't need to fix you just the way you don't need to be fixed. To hear the words, "me, too!!", is so damn comforting that it makes me want to cry tears of joy knowing that I am connected with another person. 5. I'm a whole lotta of me for new people in my life to take in. A girlfriend called me "formidable" yesterday. I finally understand that it's not for me to decided whether I am too much or too little.........I just "am". 6. I am stronger than I thought. Putting one foot in front of the other can be an incredible challenge at times but moving through is the best way I know how to get to the other side and find progress and peace for my soul. 7. I am more vulnerable than I thought. Ohhhhhh, this is a tough one for me - Ms. Strong Enough. I am fragile and prone to self doubt and ridicule. It's nice to know that there are people out there who inspire me to be gentle with myself. The discovery that in all the change I have encountered the past few months - what matters most, to me, are the treasures of friendship. I bow In gratitude to you, my friends who make up my heart.
The truth is, Dearest Fears, I have met someone else......Read More
If you know me for any length of time, you will quickly realize that I am a strong person. I have taken pride in the fact that I keep my body strong, my will in place and my ability to care for myself at the top of my priority list. I care enough about others to avoid being a burden to them due to my lack of being present in my own life. Someone once told me that I can't "will" everything into existence. My response to them was, "Why not?" But here's the deal............sometimes "being" strong is a way to avoid vulnerability which in turns keeps us from intimacy. If everyone around me believes that I am strong enough, that I can handle everything that Life, God or the Cosmos throws at me, then I have done a wonderful job of avoiding being vulnerable. As i have gotten wiser, I have realized that I don't have to lay my soul and vulnerabilities out for everyone to trample on, I just need a few people in my life that I can trust with those precious commodities. For me to believe that I can be there for others, and not allow others to be there for me - well that just creates an imbalance in the soul universe. The people I have in my life are of my own choosing. It is my responsibility to choose well. As a wise woman recently said to me, The Universe has got your back. Trust in it.