The Lessons of Moving......Part 1

I haven't written for quite awhile.  Honestly, I wasn't sure I had anything of value to say. Since moving to the mountains I have learned a lot about myself..........some of it has been good, some extremely unsettling but all of it is a continuing uncovering of who I am.  Below is a list in no particular order. 1.  I didn't realize just how burned out that I had become.  When one is in a race, the best that can be expected is to run as fast as you can, for as long as you can, hoping that the finish line will reveal itself.  Solid logic.......if your really running a race.  Otherwise, a recipe for adrenal fatigue, depression and emotional collapse.  Ok, so that's a little dramatic but you get my point.  My life had become moving from one job, one event, one obligation to another.  The fun and freedom had left my space and an over zealous sense of duty flooded it.  I took things that I loved and made them into chores.  And guess what?  It sucked.

2.  I left behind a full practice of clients that trusted and counted on me with the thinking that people would automatically do the same where I was moving to.  Looking back on this, I am astounded by my naivety.  How could I think that a practice that I had lovingly nourished and built for 23 years was just going to appear where I was going.  No one knew me, trusted me or believed in me.  I had to come face to face with my ego and tell it to take a hike.  I was at a new beginning not a continuation and if I was going to succeed I needed to reach out and show people that I could be trusted.

3.  I miss my people.  I miss that my people knew me......really, really knew me, and loved me for it.  What this has made me realize is that it's wise to treasure your community for the beauty that it brings to your life and to never be afraid to reach out.

4. Admitting my vulnerability can be terrifying and liberating.  I recently reached out to my community when I was ready to jump off of a 2' ledge..........I was scared to admit my need for comfort and yet, when I did, the response was more than I could have ever imagined.  Words of love, encouragement, strength and courage came my way and I was humbled.  I said a heart felt Thank you to each one of them and realized that no matter where I am, my people will always be with me.

5. If I sit in stillness and trust the flow, life has a way of working out.  That does not mean to just float along like a leaf in the wind.  For me, it's been a balance of working, striving, reaching..........and then letting go.

Moral of the story: Love your people, commit to your life and be kind. 

  

Wish You Were Here

It has been a little less than 90 days since my husband and I, along with our 3 dogs and 3 large UHaul's worth of stuff landed in the mountains of North Carolina. I return to Florida once a month for four days to maintain a long standing massage practice and am asked by almost everyone if I love my new home. Well.......here are the answers I have come up with so far.......1. Beginnings are full of magic, hope and lots of heavy lifting. How did I ever think that we didn't have too much stuff??? The velocity of wanting something to work helps for it to work - it just takes more time than I idealized. 2. Endings are painful, emotional, cleansing, cathartic and involve more heavy lifting. Damn! Some of the people I thought would be with me forever have just upped and disappeared........some I never thought would give me a second thought have been the support I didn't even know I needed. And the stuff.........cleaning out is a beautiful thing but requires fortitude and lots of upper body strength :) 3. The mountains are my muse and I am their bitch. No two ways about it - they are in my DNA and they own my heart. I, in turn, work diligently to honor them in my life and in my art. 4. I miss my tribe, my community and my girlfriends. Sometimes, there is no substitute for spending a few hours with a girlfriend that just "gets you". They don't need to fix you just the way you don't need to be fixed. To hear the words, "me, too!!", is so damn comforting that it makes me want to cry tears of joy knowing that I am connected with another person. 5. I'm a whole lotta of me for new people in my life to take in. A girlfriend called me "formidable" yesterday. I finally understand that it's not for me to decided whether I am too much or too little.........I just "am". 6. I am stronger than I thought. Putting one foot in front of the other can be an incredible challenge at times but moving through is the best way I know how to get to the other side and find progress and peace for my soul. 7. I am more vulnerable than I thought. Ohhhhhh, this is a tough one for me - Ms. Strong Enough. I am fragile and prone to self doubt and ridicule. It's nice to know that there are people out there who inspire me to be gentle with myself. The discovery that in all the change I have encountered the past few months - what matters most, to me, are the treasures of friendship. I bow In gratitude to you, my friends who make up my heart.

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